I seriously couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

This was the first thing that greeted me as I walked into the gas station this afternoon:

What does one do with a billy goat(!!) after capturing it? Somebody call Angel and then get back to me on that one. While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and tell Angel that it's 2008. Unless of course she was just post dating her note and decided a year later that she no longer wanted the goat.

I concur.

So today while shuffling cigarettes across the counter and whisking Hurricane 40's into their brown paper sanctuaries, I endured yet another hilarious t-shirt moment.

A very large man makes his way up to me with a very clever shirt on that reads, "fat people are harder to kidnap." Now as you may have noticed, I am never reluctant to be sharp tongued or an incredible smart ass, but with this particular material I struggled. I struggled because the only thing I could think of the entire time this particular garment was in my line of sight was: 'That is so fucking true...they really have to be harder to kidnap.'

Well played fat man. Well played.

welfair?

So as a few of you know, I no longer work as the stock boy at the gas station, I am now a cashier. What this means is I get a lot more face time with our amazing demographic. With such exposure, I come into very frequent contact with a majority of our counties welfare constituency (I'm guessing). Now I'm sure that in some instances welfare is used as an aid rather than a crutch, If that is the case, they must all shop at 711.

Today while running the register a girl comes up to buy some candy with her state funded welfare card with a shirt on that read "babies happen". It took everything in me not to ask her just what exactly that t shirt meant to her. Because as a recipient of welfare, the more dependents you claim, the more money you receive to buy candy bars and beef jerky (I'm sure they're getting their milk and bread at WalMart). So should I presume that she is in the business of making babies and when she fills out her next form she'll put an asterisk next to depends and at the bottom write, "listen guy, babies happen!" Or maybe that's what she told her boyfriend when that little bundle of joy showed up on the radar. "Listen, Bobby, I know you're on welfare, and clearly I'm on welfare. So we obviously shouldn't be bringing up kids, but if poke a few more holes in those condoms you don't use, we can get more gummy sharks and sour cream and onion Pringles every month! Wouldn't that fuckin' rule!?!?!? BABIES HAPPEN LOLLLL!!!!!!"

So basically what I propose is this...the state gives all the gas stations the welfare money, and we put a big barrel of Snickers outside once a month and cut out the fucking middle man.

Honestly, regardless of who buys/wears that shirt, I have no clue what to make of it. If I knew who designed it, It would be the only thing I'd ever want to ask them. Maybe a few of you get it, but I am completely lost on it's intentions. Perhaps if anyone out there is insightful to "get" the shirt and can fill me in that would be great.

So basically what I propose is this...the state gives all the gas stations the welfare money, and we put a big barrel of Snickers outside once a month and cut out the fucking middle man.

Until then...head to your local KMart and pick up one of those prophetic and poetic little treats. Folks, Welfare Happens.

http://www.kmart.com/shc/s/p_10151_10104_027B955938120001P?vName=Clothing&keyword=baby