So I show up to work today, as per usual, and after a brief exchange with Brent (the day stocker, which would make me the night stocker...hmm that has a nice ring to it I think.) I make my way to the restroom to take a leak. Now you must know that the lock on the men's restroom door is broken at our place, which can lead to a multitude of awkward encounters as this is not a roomy toilet closet. So I bust in like I own the joint to see a man washing his hands at the sink. No big deal, he's performed and ready to vacate. He does.
At this point, as I'm jockeying up to the urinal, I notice that the stall door is closed (a tell-tale sign that it is in use, because otherwise it just sort of hangs open slightly). It is milliseconds later that my nose discovers the second and more obvious tell-tale sign immediately erasing all doubt of 'no. 1 or no. 2?' So I'm in there doing my thing and he's in there doing his thing right behind me, and I'm just thinking to myself, 'I wonder how uncomfortable he is right now, and I wonder if he can see my shoes (they're bright yellow and a dead giveaway if he sees me on the outside and felt intruded upon.)?' Because in all honesty, it doesn't sound like he's having the easiest time of it. Well, it wasn't my problem so I wash my hands and I vacate.
Now it gets good.
I'm just exiting and walking down the short hallway outside when I hear,"Hey, come back here!" At this point I'm not really sure what I heard or where it was coming from, but it doesn't take long for it to register and I'm thinking, 'What in the hell could this guy deucing one off in the bathroom want with me that can't wait until he's out of there?'
"You dickhead come back here!!"
Now I'm thoroughly confused. I am the only dickhead around, so it has to be me. But why in god's name would I go back to the bathroom at this point, when I'm not even sure why I am being so rudely summoned by the angry shitter. The following line is where it all makes sense, and will forever go down in gas station lore as the greatest line every yelled from the men's restroom.
"Hey asshole, turn the light back on!"
Oh....fuck. That is what this asshole thought first. Naturally, my next thought was, "Well since I am in fact an asshole, maybe I just let that mad bastard shit in the dark. I mean he could have at least said please right?' Not only that but he could be up by now and ready to take me on face to face at the door. That thought was quickly shot down with, 'Well shit you work here. It's not like you can just run back to your car and take off.' So whilst operating under complete stealth, I slide my arm about elbow deep into the bathroom and flip the switch back on.
I then proceed to position myself at a point in the store where I can see this guy come out, and he can't come at me if he sees me laughing. I also told Brent who it was too, as well as the story so he could get a kick out of it also. Of course he comes out, and I don't stare too hard, as to not get recognized as the switch flipper. He was definitely a mulleted, fuming redneck.
My next thought, 'I can't wait to post about this one.'